Use Your Words| Part 3 of 3

(This post is the third in a three-part series. Click to read part one and part two.)

I’m an introvert, and this means that I’m also an introverted mom. This became shockingly apparent the day my husband returned to work and I stayed home alone with my newborn son for the first time. He wriggled on the changing table as I reached for a clean diaper and stared at him. It’s not that I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say.

My son’s gurgles and cries filled in the gaps. He wasn’t concerned. He just looked back at me and smiled. But I knew it was important for him to hear my voice, and I wasn’t sure how to use it.

Whether or not it has anything to do with being an introvert, learning to use my words and teach my children how to use their words is a theme in my life. Maybe it is in yours, too.

Communicating with my children in a meaningful way isn’t something that always comes naturally to me, yet it’s something that God clearly teaches parents to do. Moses’ words to the Israelites instruct us also,

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise…” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

If we’re supposed to explain biblical truth to our children, we should be able to talk to them! Titus 2 reminds us that the older women are to teach the younger women how to love their children, and when I realized that this wasn’t going to be easy for me, I reached out to a more experienced Christian mom and told her about my internal struggle.

We went for a walk with our strollers, and I told her I just kept running out of things to talk about with my baby. As an introvert, I don't usually mind silence, but as a mom I felt responsible to engage my child. My friend listened, reassured me, and she suggested that I just talk about whatever I was doing in the moment. OK. Deep breath. I’d try that.

So I did. I started explaining what I was doing, kind of like reading a recipe out loud: “First I’ll throw away the dirty diaper. Ooh! That was stinky. Now here’s a clean one. I bet that feels better!” (Sorry for the diaper example, but when you’re changing 8-10 diapers a day, it’s the most relevant one.)

Like so many first-time mom lessons, a mountain that seemed gigantic and unconquerable became manageable and doable with perspective from an experienced mom. It helped to approach daily life moments as bite-sized pieces instead of staring at my entire future relationship with my child.

Gradually, I added more “words” to my repertoire. I sang to my baby. I read books. I prayed for him. Instead of reading and praying in my head, I started doing these things out loud so he could hear my voice. This didn’t come naturally to me. I had to learn how to do it. It took practice and perseverance.

There were days when I felt so awkward listening to my own voice, but my son didn't criticize me or complain. I also learned to relax and enjoy the silences. We eased into our "normal" way of relating together.

The funny thing is that now this son is a verbal processor, and I get concerned if he stops talking! He totally makes up for my introverted personality in our conversation.

In each developmental stage, I’m learning how to relate to my children. Sometimes the volume is too loud in the house, and I have to turn it down and listen to my children individually. I explain that I can’t listen to five voices at once. One…at…a…time…please.

And no, I can’t talk to my boys when they're walking in circles around the kitchen table or pacing in the living room.

Those are practical implications. The principle is that even though we show love to our children in a million practical ways, there are times when we need to open our mouths and use our words to communicate the truths we want to pass on to them. We can’t assume they’ll learn everything by osmosis from their home environment. There are words we need to speak and truths that we need to teach them, and we need to use our voices to do this.

Maybe all of this seems obvious. If so, that’s great. But it wasn’t for me. I needed to learn how to talk to my baby, and I still need to grow in this area, in stepping out of the thoughts in my own head and entering the worlds of my children. I need to keep reaching out of my comfort zone and learn how to engage all my children from my toddler to my teen.

Thankfully, at least a toddler doesn’t expect anyone to be a great conversationalist, and we get to learn and grow with our children. The important thing for them is our presence. They just want to be with us and hear our voices.

For all the introverts like me, it’s worth the investment of stepping out and growing in this area. By the time the teen years come around, we get plenty of opportunities to listen and ask those engaging questions that sometimes come more naturally.

For more about Katie's book, Loving My Children, click here. 
Email Katie at lovingmychildrenbook@gmail.com.