How Do We Respond to Our Children's Tears?
How do we respond to our children’s tears?
When I delivered my third son, he wailed. As the nurses determined
his Apgar score and washed him, every part of me longed to clutch him to my
chest and soothe his cries. If I felt any remaining self-consciousness after
labor and giving birth, it fled as I began humming to him from across the room.
It didn’t matter that the melody was a Christmas carol in October or that I didn’t
know half the people in the room. Instinct and compassion answered my son’s
tears with music until he was placed in my arms.
But what about as our children grow?
When we’ve fed, changed, rocked, soothed, and done
everything we can think to do for our infants, how do we respond when they keep
crying? Do we get frustrated and angry? Do we entertain guilt? Do we get
emotional too and start crying with them?
What about when our toddlers melt down? Do we pass out
ultimatums and threats? Do we throw our hands up? If we’re in public, do we
take it personally, almost as if we believe our children are intentionally
humiliating us?
How about when young children feel unjustly treated or
excluded? Do we always make them see another person’s point of view? Do we make
sweeping statements about life not being fair?
How do we respond when our adolescents feel overwhelmed,
fearful, anxious, or lonely? Do we tell them to get over it, that big girls—or boys—don’t
cry?
Sin and death brought tears into our human experience. Tears
are a manifestation of sadness and sorrow, even disappointment. While in some
ways they can relieve our pain, they’re also a tangible expression of it. They
remind us of all that’s gone wrong, all the broken pieces in our lives.
Not only do we and our children need our tears to be
comforted, but we need to be forgiven of our sin and to have our broken pieces
healed. So did the Israelites, and Psalm 103:12-14 says,
“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.”
Moms and Dads, God shows compassion to his children. Are we
showing compassion to ours? He remembers their frame; he knit them together
inside the womb. Do we remember those flailing newborns, weak and helpless, and
feel compassion towards our children in each season of their development?
Our children learn just as much if not more about the
authenticity of our faith from how we live as much as from what we say. As
parents, we are uniquely positioned to model God’s compassion in a way that
points them to their heavenly Father.
We know and taste the bitterness of our own heartaches,
hurts, and tears. We feel the impact when others scorn our sorrow. Instead of
responding in kind, let’s pray for grace to receive God’s compassion and
minister it to others, especially our children, with listening ears, comforting
arms, warm smiles, and patient understanding.
One of our glorious hopes as Christians who place faith in
Jesus is that one day, our tears will be wiped away and death will be no more, “neither
shall there be mourning or crying nor pain anymore” (Revelation 21:4). Maybe we
can wipe away a few tears today as we hope in Jesus and look forward to that
future, glorious day.
Read more of Katie's words at Loving My Children on Facebook and at https://www.instagram.com/katietfaris. To learn more about her book, Loving My Children, click here. Email Katie at lovingmychildrenbook@gmail.com.