Embracing Motherhood with Conviction and Confidence
Sometimes I
flounder like a fish out of water in my mothering journey, seeking to live by
faith but not really knowing what I’m doing or where I’m headed. With so many
voices, I struggle to discern God’s voice and to walk this road with godly
conviction and confidence.
Our children are gifts from God. Wow. That’s both humbling
and awe-inspiring. It’s humbling because we’re weak, limited, and sinful
creatures who’ve been handed a swaddled baby that comes with great
responsibility. It’s awe-inspiring because the Giver is God himself. He
designed this tiny human, watching its every heart beat and developmental stage
in the womb. Because God is sovereign, we can each say, “God chose me to be the
mother of my child, and he chose this child to be my son (or daughter).”
There’s a lot at stake in parenting, just as there has been
for all mothers since Eve. The good news is that we don’t walk this journey
alone. We walk it with a gracious and perfect heavenly Father who gently leads
and nurtures us as we do the same for our children.[1]
These truths should strengthen us with faith for motherhood. God doesn’t give
us work to do without also uniquely equipping and providing for the task. He’s
given us everything we need for life and godliness, including being mom to our
child.[2]
As moms, we’re uniquely equipped to feed our children,
discern our baby’s cries, and provide comfort. We make
decisions and choices about how to care for our children. But how do we give and
receive input from others? When do we speak up, and when do we trust God? At
the end of the day, we’re not crazy…we’re moms. We need to be who God designed us
to be in the role he’s given us to play, with conviction and confidence, for his
glory.
Giving and Receiving Input
Counsel is extremely valuable, but there are
so many voices speaking that sometimes it’s hard to be still and discern the
best action to take on behalf of our children. Books, relatives, the Internet,
and friends all offer counsel, and we don’t always know who to listen to. We
hear one thing and it sounds good, then we hear an opposite approach, and that
sounds good too! Especially for new moms, how do we grow in confidence in
making decisions that will best serve our families?
Here are some questions and comments to guide our thoughts
and actions both in giving and receiving input:
-Does it line up with Scripture or not? Unless something
goes against the clear teaching of Scripture, we have great freedom in our
approach.
-What does my husband think? Is he on board? Am I listening
to him and considering his perspective or acting independently?
-Is it safe? Is it in the best interest of our child? We
should never sacrifice the safety or health of our child for our own convenience.
Sacrificial love comes with being a parent.
-Is it a principle, practice, or preference? We share a lot
of big picture principles with other Christian parents, but our practices vary
greatly. When someone offers input, is it simply his or her preference?
-Am I comfortable with this approach? What’s comfortable for
one parent may or may not be comfortable for another.
-Does it work for me? However fabulous a suggestion might
be, if I can’t implement it, it’s not going to help my family.
-Walk humbly. We should always give and receive input with humility,
recognizing that the person offering it usually wants to be helpful, and
acknowledging that the person receiving it is ultimately responsible for his or
her child.
-Listen and learn from others, especially experienced moms.
Why learn the hard way if you can learn from someone else’s experience?
-Act in faith. Whatever we do, we do in faith before God.
-We’re not locked into one approach; we can always try
something different!
Speak Up and Trust God
How do we know when to speak up, and when do we simply trust
God? This is not an either/or question. It’s both. In our God-given role, we’re
designed and equipped to look out for and watch over our child, knowing that
ultimately God is looking out for and watching over both of us. We speak up for
our kids whenever we can, recognizing that there are some situations in which
all we can do is pray and trust God to work in ways we can’t.
Newborns are fragile and require nurture that a mother
uniquely provides. There are real dangers and risks in the world—like
hunger—that we’re equipped and supposed to fend off. We ought to protect and
care for our little people, and sometimes that means saying “no” on their
behalf. We speak up and act. It's not being fearful or controlling to ask
someone to stop when we think he’s being too rough with our child. We take our daughter to a different doctor if she isn’t getting the medical attention we think is
necessary. We advocate for educational options that serve our children. We shield
them from programs with mature content. We speak up and act however and
whenever we can. But we also bow our heads and pray; we trust God, acknowledging
his ultimate authority and taking comfort in his ability to care in ways we
can’t.
How many times do we try to stop our children mid-fall? In
slow motion, we stretch out our arms but can’t catch the child tumbling down
the stairs or slipping on the wet kitchen floor. We’re completely unprepared
for the medical diagnosis we can’t pronounce. We don’t expect our newborn to
have feeding issues. These situations point us to the One who has complete
control, not only in crises but all the time:
We love our children, but God loves them more.
We birthed our babies, but God designed them and knows them
perfectly from conception.
In light of this, we trust God, pour out our hearts, and
take refuge in him.[3] We
surrender to his sovereignty. We choose faith instead of fear. We walk by faith
instead of sight.[4] We
say, “Your will be done, in my life and in the lives of my children.”[5] We
ask him to work good things out of all circumstances, even the frightening
ones.[6]
We’re Not Crazy, We’re Moms
We’re not crazy. Although there are times when we feel like we
are, either because of our own self-doubt or the words and looks of others
around us, here’s a dose of encouragement to stand our ground.
Do we interfere when we think the kids are playing too rough?
That’s not crazy. Sure, “it’s just a game,” but someone could really get hurt.
I’ve been to the ER enough times with my kids to know that accidents happen.
Do we constantly remind our older child to support the
baby’s neck? Others might say “Just chill,” but we’re made to protect and
defend our little people.
We don’t leave our child with a babysitter we’ve never met.
That’s just smart, not controlling.
We check temperatures through the night. Or blood sugars. Or
just to make sure the baby’s still breathing. We sleep better reassured, and we
know if they need extra care.
We cuddle through thunderstorms and nightmares. We kiss
boo-boos and wipe away tears. We’re not being crutches; we’re comforters. We aren’t
making them weaker; we’re making them stronger.
We’re not crazy…we’re moms.
If someone tells us we’re overreacting, we want to listen
humbly, but we don’t jump to the conclusion that we are. We’re made to protect
and defend, to nourish and care for our particular child in a way that no
one else is. Before we change course, we ask ourselves, “Am I really going
overboard, or am I acting out of conviction?” If we're acting out of conviction, we stand our ground with confidence, embracing our God-given role.
Email Katie at lovingmychildrenbook@gmail.com.